Stop Looking at Me!

Public speaking has never been a strength of mine, and probably won't ever be. I get nervous no matter how much I practice, my voice gets shaky no matter how much I take deep breaths, and I just can't get comfortable in front of a class of people all sitting and watching me. However, one thing that makes me feel much better is the fact that everyone is doing the exact same thing as me. Everyone is bound to feel a little nervous, some more than others. And honestly, no one cares enough to judge you or pick out all the little things that aren't perfect. I know when I watch someone present, the last thing I am thinking about is their shaky voice, and their little nervous tics.

In the past all I've done for public speaking is random group presentations in class, or maybe one or two individual presentations, so I am pretty much in the dark for these things. However, the only times I have felt completely fine for the most part with public speaking is when it is something that the teacher brings up at a random time, with no preparation. For some reason it is not as nerve-wracking for me.

Besides public speaking, I have been in front of audiences for different occasions, but they were events where I wasn't alone. I danced for 12 years, and I played volleyball in state championship games, where both were full of spectators. But again, being with a team or a whole class together is different. I have always been on the more shy side, and even though as I've gotten older I have become much more outgoing,  I still struggle in things like talking in front of people I barely knew.

I have many bad habits when it comes to speeches and such, like not speaking loud enough, not being confident enough in front of an audience, and having a bad posture that suggests I'm uncomfortable. Sometimes making eye contact with people makes me lose my train of thought, in which case a glance at my notes saves me. Public speaking is up there with my least favorite things, but I think one of my strengths is having strong content. I'm hoping this next talk will be slightly more successful for me, even without notes.

Transparent: could this complete the circle?

When Book II of the Circle commences, there is a large emphasis on the subject of transparency. The start of transparency is with the cameras that constantly hang on peoples necks, and continues to evolve. The next transparent thing to occur is the discovery of the transparent animals from the Mariana Trench, which is a little shocking to see. Not only are these creatures discovered, but they are taken from their homes and put into an unknown world, where everyone is watching them and it is nothing like their home. This part of the book is extremely enlightening; the theme of transparency is brought up over and over, and never in good light.

The main creature brought back is the shark, extremely dangerous and unique. It is blind and completely clear, making it a completely new discovery in the ocean world. These things are similar to the Circle itself; the people using the constant personal cameras have been blinded into this life of transparency, and it has dangerous consequences. The shark eats everything put in its path, and the people doing this have no conscience as to what they should and shouldn't be doing. However, the woman feeding the shark is not exactly into it either; she is afraid and nervous, similar to how being translucent can be. She goes through all the motions expected of her, despite her feelings.

Watching Mae change so much since the start of the book is scary; she has changed and she has lost herself but doesn't even realize it. She has fallen blindly into the transparent lifestyle of the Circle, and has given everything up for the bigger picture. There is also the issue of transparency not only affecting Mae, but her relationships. Annie and Mae are not like themselves, and there is a distance between them ever since Mae went transparent. Annie does not seem to be comfortable with the idea of transparency, as it leads to Annie being "mildly annoyed that this faux-visit was still continuing" (351). This puts a strain on her relationship with them, similar to the one she has with her parents. 

Mae is more concerned with the viewers reactions to things rather than being with her parents. She finds her parents ungrateful when they say that it takes a long time to respond to the thousands of messages they've received regarding her fathers health, when really they are just tired and don't need the extra work. Her parents are obviously uncomfortable being on camera all the time, and this leads to awkward and meaningless conversations reflective of the damaged relationship they now have.  

When we see the movement of "completing the circle" it brings many things to mind. Not only is it unknown what this means to everyone, but the three wise men are not telling; therefore not being transparent. This idea of completion is interesting because no one knows exactly what it could mean, but all these factors of transparency and the online life seem to be the hints of completion.

How often should we be online?

As The Circle continues, we begin to see Mae and how she changes and starts to redefine things in her life.  As said by Mercer, Mae is becoming boring, and cannot distinguish between real and simulated life. She is getting lost in the culture and lifestyle of the Circle, without even realizing it. There is a difference between experiencing the event, like kayaking, and then just videotaping and photographing the whole thing, without actually being there in the moment. When she helps Mercer with his business by posting his work online, he is offended because not everyone is as online as Mae is. This leads Mae to get angry with Mercer once she's alone, and she thinks vile and cruel things about him, calling him "an ugly, ever-sweating moose man" and completely misunderstanding his point (264). Her anger towards him is a sign of her changing, in a way that makes her have tunnel vision instead of focusing on other things. When she visits her parents, she is completely distracted by her phone and all thats on it, and this also leads to her anger towards Mercer.

But on the other hand, Mae is keeping in touch with reality more than most. She went out on a limb and kayaked when the place was closed, and was just out there at night with nature. She also has a relationship with Kalden, who is mysterious and has some slightly controversial views about the Circle and things that they do. She questions a lot of what Eamon Bailey has to say regarding privacy and honesty, until she has an "awakening" and says things like "privacy is theft, secrets are lies, and sharing is caring" (305). Although she was engaged on her phone for part of the dinner, she leaves the Circle campus to go eat dinner with her parents, even though it seems to be looked down on to leave the campus for any reason.

In today's social media culture, I do think that we can see some of the same things happened that happen in the Circle. People are willing to put a lot of information online, and whether thats a good or bad thing, who knows. People are also on their social media accounts so much that it interferes with their real lives, and real interactions with people day to day. When something happens, everyone videotapes it instead o being there. At concerts all you an see are phones in the air capturing every single moment instead of listening to the music and watching it with your own eyes. We follow some people all day everyday, like the Kardashians, on every social media, including television, similar to "going transparent" at the Circle.

The Circle | Prompt 2

When comparing the two words data and privacy, the subject of social media comes up. Social media is the cross between data and personality, and with a person comes privacy. In The Circle, Mae struggles with trying to keep up with the rigorous lifestyle of her new life at the company. Part of that comes her sacrificing a large part of her privacy, which she doesn't even seem to realize; however, as the reader, it is the only thing I can notice. By keeping up with all the data of her life and of the Circle, she is giving up all of her privacy. She spends hours and hours competing with other Circlers to get into the top tier of people posting and interacting on the Internet and on the Circle's medias, just to fit in. The other employees are completely shocked at how little Mae uses her social media and Internet profiles, while all of them are consistently posting on the Circle's media's, and using everything the campus and facility has to offer. Everyone can tell where everyone is at all times, and many of the higher-ups at The Circle can tell what everyone is doing on their computers at all times, including what they are and aren't posting, and constantly commenting on what they should and shouldn't be doing.


Mae is someone that seems to be able to find her place wherever she is; she is comfortable alone on the water when she is kayaking, and she also has the drive to improve her skills at the Circle. However, to me she seems to be getting lost in the online ways of her new business, and doesn't notice how controlling and invasive the company is. Because they have excessive amounts of data on Mae, and there is always new information, she is constantly under scrutiny. When her father was sick, instead of being sympathetic and understanding, the other employees were shocked, saying "We don't know anything about this episode," because she didn't post about it, as if all the circles have the right to know everything about Mae and her family and personal life (182). Later on, Mae is sucked into the new culture of the Circle, where invasion of privacy on social media and online data is normal. She is infatuated with the mysterious Kalden, and she thinks she "had a right to know where he was," as if it was normal to know exactly where everyone is at every single moment.


To me there is a fine line between data and privacy; some things should be kept in private, especially if someone wants to keep it in private. In The Circle, the people don't seem to understand that, and constantly mix personal life with work life. Mae is getting dragged into the lifestyle, and without even realizing it she is completely changing into someone new.

The Circle | Prompt 1

Being a Penn Stater or Circler comes with many ideologies and practices, especially with the vast size and influence both have on the real and fictional world. Like Mae, when I arrived on campus I was completely awestruck at both the size and near perfection of my new home, and how I would ever be able to find my place. While Mae had an experienced friend to help her navigate and settle in, I only had my roommate I found on Facebook and a friend from high school I was somewhat close with. Also like Mae, I found myself overwhelmed easily by how much there was to do and how quickly I was expected to jump into this new place and get acclimated. Being a newbie to a community like Penn State or the Circle comes with expectations that we are supposed to learn easily and quickly, like that "we are!" can be chanted anywhere or that the creamery only serves blue and white sprinkles. But in all seriousness, as Penn State students, we are taught to keep our grades, social life, involvement, and many other aspects as high as possible. During the first few days of classes, we had the Club Fair, and although freshman are encouraged to join in, it is difficult to do so when you are still figuring out your classes, homework, and how to eat and sleep all in one day. Similar to Mae, while she has a full day of just figuring out how the Circle works and meeting people, there is already an extremely high standard set on her for work the next day, and while she does well, more things keep piling up, and it is frowned upon for her not to get involved in every aspect of the Circle. When first coming to a place like the Circle or Penn State, one is initially exposed to the new lifestyle, and it only takes a short amount of time before the lifestyle applies to us, and we don't even realize it. Soon, we will participate in THON, and attend more football games and realize that, we are in fact Penn State, just like Mae will soon be a part of the Circle. The community aspect of both of these places is huge, and it is what makes us all feel like a part of something great. Both the Circle and Penn State strive to make the world better, by research, technology, and community. Students at PSU as well as Mae join places like these to get a sense of what that is like, to be a part of something so vast and influential, a place so well known and with great reputation. However, that comes with some cons, as the expectations are high for balancing many things including one's own personal happiness and success as they join a place it is so easy to get lost in. While I personally have been loving Penn State, I also find it difficult to meet the expectations of doing it all, similar to Mae trying to understand the lifestyle change of the Circle.

"Wicked Smaht"

Up until recently, I was unaware of how much I loved being from New England. Being a "Masshole" is awesome, for many reasons. Not only does everyone question you about Tom Brady or clam chowder, everyone I have met since coming to campus that has been to the area has said that Boston is one amazing place. It is full of energy and history, amazing food and fashion, and definitely has unique character. It is an extremely special place, and most people know about the quirks that come along with being a Bostonian. While I am certainly not an expert on the subject, there are aspects to this great place that I would love to talk about, both personal for me and overall Massachusetts things. Movies, food, sports, places to visit or vacation, and so on would be the topics of my blog. I would also discuss major events like the Boston Marathon Bombings, especially since I was actually present at that marathon. Basically this blog would be the beginners guide to New England and Massachusetts primarily, and my personal views on the subjects being discussed. My blog title would be something along the lines of "Wicked Smaht" because hopefully after the semester, you will feel wicked smaht on the subject of Boston and Massachusetts.


"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't stop watching"

Something else I have a bit of a passion for is a few different series on Netflix, HBO, etc. I would delve into Game of Thrones but even I being an avid fan of the show, get confused often and resort to the Internet for help on keeping up with Khaleesi and Jon Snow. However, a great show I have just recently finished on Netflix and love with all my heart is Friday Night Lights. I know many people that dearly love this show, boys, girls, and adults included. It is filmed like a documentary, making it feel very real, and is full of plenty of characters. It is a show about a small town in Texas, Dillon, where high school football reigns over everything. The main(ish) character is Coach Eric Taylor, a returning coach to the town of Dillon, with an extremely high reputation for success. He is accompanied by his wife Tami Taylor, a guidance counselor at Dillon High School. Dillon, Texas has its esteemed football team, the Panthers, and it is full of talented players. There is love, and laughter, and some pretty heavy topics as well. Things often said on the show are "Texas forever" and "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose". This show is really a show for everyone, which is hard to find. If I were to do this as my topic, I would discuss the characters, and the show itself and everything it offers. It portrays a very different lifestyle from myself, as Texas is not very close to Massachusetts. All I can say is, there is something a little magical about this show, and you will have to watch for yourself to find out.